Wednesday, December 10, 2014

blogging...when you have nothing to say. I am. Blogging, even though I don't think I have anything to say. Except - that if you know me, or have met me and stood in my general vicinity for more than five seconds then you know that is just a lie. I do have things to say, about a great many and varied type things. So really? What is the deal with this lack of blogging thing?

I am currently on a personal adventure to get super specific as to why this is. Deal with what somehow ALWAYS comes back to how we feel about stuff that then gets translated into areas of out life (like sewing, costuming, and blogging.) I am ready to do everything up to and including to admitting that blogging about my sewing and costumes is just NOT blowing my skirt up as my dear friend Gina likes to say. This folks is where I am. I'm glad this is where I am- I am not stuck, the world is an amazing place and I am super grateful that I can just put this out there, deal with it as needed and hello- let all the rest go. Seriously.

"So whats not working?"
I can't seem to blog on command or on schedule for that matter.

I have fun blog ideas all the time...usually when I am knee deep in some other activity when it will be not cool to say "sorry gotta blog this." Later when the keyboard is available- nothin!

Possible solution:
Make and or buy a super cute notebook and do that super organized "my blog is my business" thing where you actually write down all your mad cap ideas and possibly a phrase or note to three. Then forget about it until that keyboard awaits your brilliance.

Ok any other reasons? YEP!
I have spent more time and frankly money than I care to admit trying to make the fact of blogging life  (yes I am talking about the ever high holy pictures) come as easily as possibly to me. It's still a HUGE struggle. HUGE. I like photography when OTHER people do it.

Possible solution: spend more time with the shutterbug daughter - in costume- taking- you know- photos. This is such a "high maintenance" type solution for me that frankly its practically off the scale. There is the time, the dressing up for no real reason and the location...because its apparently all about the location. Its possible that the answer to this is a frank and blunt "get over yourself- do you want this or not?" I am officially looking in the mirror and making the "this is not a rhetorical question" mom face at myself. I honestly don't feel an answer yet.

Ok is that it? Nope!
There is a background feeling of one-upmen-ship that BUGS me. Its just out there, no I don't mean you...I'm just sayin.

Solution: because there is no possible to this-this IS the solution. "What other people think of me is not my concern!!!" Damnit. I do not know why this trips me up. Seriously I KNOW this one. I tell other folk all the time! I am kinda that person who will frankly look you in the face and say to you "why do you care??" and I am letting fret mess with my joy. Nope- that ends now. You go- hand bead that antique sari with unicorn mane in your "are you even kidding me?" studio and then post those photos with perfect lighting and pose that look effortless and don't even hold back on all those awesome "I made it myself" accessories including the shoes because that is how you ROLL!! Because you all rock at it!! Me? I'm gonna do what I love and and then do some more of what I love and I'm going to share it with a total open, honest and carefree abandon.

Well then- thats that. "Yes, yes it is. "

Problem #2 : Sluggy McSluggerson sewing.
Thats all I got...Costumes are taking me forever, they are sluggish, and dull and no- I'm not all fired up or excited about it. Hence. the. problem.

Possible solution: "So go back to a time when you were- what made you fired up?" Way back, there was a ton of new to learn, and so very many skills to hone.

"How do you feel now?"  I feel like I've come to the end of the internet. Its all been done.

Conclusion: I really need to redefine my costuming and the place it holds in my life. I no longer costume for any of the reasons I started and while that is OK! I would like to look at my sewing with fresh and eager eyes.

What costuming can NOT be and stay in my world.
- competition
- an escape, I frankly love the snot out of my life and the idea of "escaping" from it turns me off cold.
- a burden, seriously.
- a drain on my emotional resources. I refuse to be unhappy or stressed doing a thing that is supposed to bring me joy and relaxation!
- drain on financial resources. I'm a budget girl- my budget does not confine me -my envelopes to not limit me. They give me total permission to both joyously spend what I have decided with intention. Likewise, they give me total permission to say no. "Thats not in the budget right now, this week, month, year, lifetime." I decide what my money priorities are (along with the hubbie!) not you, not your crazy ideas, your last minute "you just gottas" your "awwww you know you want to's" No I don't want to. If we can plan a thing for a reasonable date and cost in the future, then lets talk. Otherwise take your crazy elsewhere. I have done some pretty awesome costume stuff at some pretty cool places on two continents. I may not know what I want to sew next but I darn sure can lay out a budget for it, save for it, and execute it. When I do I will dance a jig around the yard weather I spend 4$ on silk gifted from the end of season rolls or 50$ on amazing coutil. If the money is for costume- then thats what its for. GUILT FREE- NO EXPLANATION NEEDED. Its about intention. I have a 100$ costume budget and I intend to spend it in JOY. Don't let Judgey McJudgersons trip you up on this ones my friends.

In closing. We all have our moments of questioning how valid an activity is in our lives. If not costuming then elsewhere. I've found that when I start dragging my feet and avoiding doing a thing- there is a darn good reason and that reason just might be I'm being called someplace else.

In other late breaking news...

this piece of brilliance is both keeping me up at night and totally distracting me from this...

and this for that matter...

So friends what are you not thrilled with in your life? Why? Does it just need a kick butt makeover or is it time to remove it from your life so you can get on with what does thrill you so much your actually day dreaming about it right now?

P.S. apparently its time for a new template since this one refuses to justify left and is over lapping the post title with the first sentence. Le Sigh....

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